Andrea

I'm Alive!

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 05:48:36 GMT

Things have been a little hectic for me. I've been in the fast lane for the past two months, and I haven't really had time dedicated to me. I thought it would be nice to release pent up emotions, share my day, and keep in touch with all my LJ friends.

Interesting things to point out: Within a week, I've seen two people I used to go to school with, and both of them acknowledged my presence. The first guy actually held a conversation with me, and I was a little surprised to see him at my place of employment. It's not exactly the kind of place I ever come across kids I've gone to school with. And the second guy I saw yesterday. We graduated together, and never said one word in all the years we've been to school. But then I find out that nearly two years ago - that he works at the place I just got a job. He usually only works the summer's now that he's in his third year of college, but he came in yesterday with his mom and was really friendly to me.

I think that's really astounding - how we never communicate with people while we're in school, but outside of school we start talking. I admit: he's still as cute as ever and he seems to have a great set of moral values, and he's probably nearly as shy as I am. So all in all, yesterday was a very good day.

Umm. What else? My birthday is this Tuesday. 21. Not so excited. Everyone seems to be making a big deal of it, but I'm not really a fan of alcohol. So....it'll be interesting. I'd like to go to my favorite upscale-ish mexican restaurant. Have dinner, have a few drinks. That works for me. The bar setting. Yeah, so not my thing. I'm already socially awkward to begin with.

Twilight

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 14:56:23 GMT

Twilight Graphics

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 01:46:10 GMT

I had some issues with lj today (that made me explictedly curse it) and my icon post vanished into thin air. Poof. It will be up tomorrow, but until then, I have some Twilight graphics to share.

Also, a handful of wallpapers will be uploaded tomorrow in 3 different screen resolutions.

Overboard

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 03:36:35 GMT

Robert Pattinson doesn't look like a powdery white, hairy donut.

I'm officially pissed. STOP talking trash about the Twilight cast. Preferrably now. Before I have to wake up tomorrow morning and make a long podcast on how ridiculous this Twilight negativity is becoming.

Twilight: TFA

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 05:01:38 GMT

Today I saw the upcoming cover for Entertainment Weekly, featuring Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart.

PS. TFA stands for Thoughtless Fan Aggravation.

I was ecstatic. My initial reaction wasn't much of a reaction. I just stared with my mouth wide open. No matter how much exposure Twilight's gotten, I still can't get over the fact that a movie like this is everywhere. It gives me goose bumps thinking about how many people out there honestly, truly, and completely love Twilight. At the same time, I'm becoming aware of how downright nasty, rude, and thoughtless a lot of Twilight fans are acting.

It doesn't matter if you wanted Gaspard Ulliel to play Edward Cullen. Robert Pattinson got the part, and I"m willing to bet it's because he deserved it. From all the interviews I've seen, he's a geniunely nice guy. He seems friendly, and hell I even think he's a little interview shy. I don't know Rob personally, but I'm willing to bet he's a great person. And it really kills me how everyone disses him and thinks he was casted all wrong. The simple truth of the matter is that you don't know that. How could anyone possibly know that unless they saw the whole movie? A couple of clips doesn't constitute whether he's a good or bad actor. And on another Rob note, I think he has a very Edward-ish style look about him. And honestly, I think it's really time to stop badmouthing him. He doesn't deserve it. No one does. If you treat him like that, it just shows that you don't really care about Twilight at all.

You don't send the guy hate mail over casting in a movie. That's just so many levels of wrong. You were taught decency and respect when you were little, so maybe you should take a chapter out of your own life and apply it. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but having your own opinion doesn't give you the right to trash talk him. What the hell did he do to anyone to deserve this? Nothing. It's not so hard to say that you don't care for him playing Edward, but it's another thing entirely to talk shit about him. C'mon, people. I don't want a few people to give Twilight fans a bad name. Because, truth is, we're not all like that.

And onto the upcoming cover of Entertainment Weekly.

I really liked the cover. A lot. It was a little actor/actress and a little character/character. It was a nice medium of both, and Rob had a very striking look on his face. He's got that brooding Edward thing down pat. I even liked his hair and those pretty blue eyes. Sure, he was really pale, but he played a vampire. They're going to want him to look pale. And Kristen looked pretty good, very striking. She looked more like Kristen and less like Bella (while Rob was more Edward than Rob), and I didn't mind it. I can't wait for it to hit shelves on Friday so I can buy two copies.

I'm so psyched about the Twilight exposure. (Again.)

Way to go Twilighters! Keep spreading word!

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 01:27:46 GMT

MANCHESTER ORCHESTRA is amazing.

If you don't know that by now, I feel for you.

Because they have been getting me through some of the worst times of my life this past year. Of course Brand New is number one in that department, but Man Orch is definitely a close second. There is just something so special about the music these two bands make. I feel like I'm strong enough to get through anything. God, do I love that feelings.

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 15:32:52 GMT

I have come to the conclusion that I'm an awful journal keeper. Not only that, but I'm a pretty boring person. And this pretty much stacks the odds against me. Regardless, I come bearing news.

My second best friend will be having a baby girl and they named her Maria Taylor. She is scheduled to come into the world a month after my birthday. I'm hoping she's a little bit closer to mine, though. There is not nearly enough December birthday love. Yesterday, I went to Babies R Us and spent about $40 on some clothing. Since my paychecks suck lately, I'm trying to spread out when I buy and how much I spend. I still have plans to buy a lot more stuff. I'm going to buy this cute basket at work that has a lid---and the lid is covered in fabric--and it's soft. And I'm going to buy a bunch of miscellaneous baby stuff and put it in there. That way, they'll have a really nice basket to store stuff in - maybe even keep it for some baby stuff.

Also, there is a potential I could be Maria's godmother. It is down to my other best friend and me. So, I'll see what happens there.

Thank god the baby shower is over a month away. I have no intentions to procrastinate about this. I want to do something special for my friend and her baby girl. : )

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 06:14:32 GMT

Things are good. I made a friend out of a bad situation.

And we get along so fantastic.

It's weird. I used to get along really good with guys. Then I got along better with girls. And now I'm getting along better with guys again. Guys are simple. I like it. I like being able to be simple in turn.

I will cherish this moment. As a line to one of my favorite song goes: Like all good things, they never last.

Sun, 07 Oct 2007 00:53:15 GMT

I am friends with my best friends ex.

This suddenly makes things a bit complicated and awkward. Oops.

At least I'm a good judge of character. I know that. So, I'll be friends with whoever I think is worthy. And hopefully that doesn't create unnecessary drama. I guess I'll see how things unfold.

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 03:14:51 GMT

This is so messed up.

That's how I feel about everything right now.

Eh....

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 03:20:39 GMT

Sometimes I hate being right. I let my guard down for a minute and I'm smashed into smithereens. I'm so stupid. I'm tired of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt and then finding out that they are exactly what I didn't want them to be.

I would like to have a bonfire, preferrably cursing boys into hell in the process.

WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD GUYS AT?

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 02:35:57 GMT

I have been so busy, lately. I know I'm spread too thin, but there isn't much I can do about that.I am thrown for a loop though. Last year, I joined espinthebottle. Yeah, Yeah. I get it. Who signs up for internet dating sites? Anyway, it was mostly for shits and giggles.

I sign on from time to time - taking quizzes, fixing my profile information, and searching for guys in my area. I know low lame this sounds, but this is coming from a girl that thinks all boys around here are spawns of satans and so I reduce myself to not dating at all.

After three catastrophic dates with three different boys last summer, I was literally scarred for life. And the fourth contender was a stalker who only ever talked to me on the phone (we were kind of set up through my best friend's boyfriend (now ex boyfriend, ironically enough). He called a lot and was freaky obsessive and went on and on about how much he loved me. Yeah...that really turned me off the dating/relationship scene.

ANYWAY, I got a note on espinthebottle from a boy who lives approximately 45 minutes from me. And well, he's a pretty damn decent looking guy (haha...this is so weird considering the guys that usually give me attention). Usually, I'll be nice and even add them to my list. But it never goes any farther than that. Haha. I think they expect me to make the next move. That really won't happen. But now I'm torn. I don't know if I should add him or not...and I don't know.

HOW can you get butterflies over a guy ONLY by reading his profile (I didn't look at his picture until the end. That's my policy.) ? I think I need to sleep on it. Or something.

Oops

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 19:56:51 GMT

So, MS word crashed on me yesterday. I lost all of part III. That is why I didn't update last night. Sorry! It's taking a lot of time and energy to recreate the scenes. I will not make it for the deadline. No one is more disappointed by this than I am... but at least I'll finish it. This week.

In other news, why is Manchester Orchestra sooooooooo good? They are a-mazing live. (I saw them in April.) I have so much love for Andy Hull that it's ridiculous. :D

Waking In The Breakdown Part II

Sun, 09 Sep 2007 03:22:16 GMT

Hey guys. Sorry about this major delay. It turned out that the weather was pretty bad earlier and I couldn't go online. Then, I had company and spent time with then. And then I was cleaning and trying to get a few things done, and I completely forgot to upload this! Sorry! At least I'm still on time. Phew.

Title: Waking In The Breakdown
Rating: PG-13 (language!)
Status: 2 of 4 parts.
Genre: Romance/Angst/Drama
Pairing: Cappie/Casey
Summary: This picks up where Depth Perception left off. Missing scenes. The aftermath. This is only the beginning...of something monumental.

Part II

Everything that Cappie had learned up until that point was absolutely useless. And trivial. College hadn’t prepared him for it. Hell, life hadn’t prepared him for it. And yet, there he was. Cappie, president of Kappa Tau, was permanently in love with Casey Cartwright—ZBZ sweetheart.

And as time lapsed, he knew that he was forever attached to Casey. No matter where he was or what he was doing, she always managed to linger with him. And Cappie missed her so fucking much that it hurt, it hurt unlike anything he’d ever felt before.

Their relationship had been intense, quick, and fun. It was virtually everything that a college relationship could be and more, or so Cappie believed. As soon as Evan Chambers popped into the picture, Casey had been swept up in his world full of wealth and deception.

And suddenly, Cappie was no longer perfect—or close to it. It became all about status and who got whom where faster. It became about money and self-image. It became about ignorance and careless first-appearance judging. And Casey, the only thing she offered Cappie was the short end of the stick with a razor sharp, skin-piercing edge. As quickly as she had wounded him, she gave a heartless goodbye and ran. She ran so fucking fast and hard that Cappie didn’t even have time to act or take in what had just happened.

Cappie was sure a lot of it had to do with Frannie. She and the other ZBZ’s were intent on breaking them up from the get-go, but he was having a hard time imaging Casey as the sort of girl that would give up everything they had for security in a very flawed sorority.

No, he was convinced there was something else. She was hiding something; he was sure of it.

That alone made him nervous and terrified for the first time in a long time. The continuous thoughts of what-would be kept his mind more active than a cross-country runner. Because of this, he was stuck in bed, wide-awake, on the worst day of the week: Monday. He had spent countless hour after countless hour of wallowing and hiding in his room.

And not even the small party downstairs, courtesy of Beaver, could rouse his attention. The party had been one of Beaver’s hair-brained schemes, hoping that a few chicks would help bright up Cappie’s spirits. Beaver tried every card in the deck to bribe Cappie into attending—including pulling out the volcano (which was only a once-a-year event) and having Rusty rig it up so that it rained beer. As pathetic as it sounded, the last thing Cappie wanted was more beer.

He really didn’t.

Beer made him irrational, sex crazy, and way more over the top than usual. Alcohol did make him forget, but as soon as the alcohol wore off—the pain came back ten times stronger. He learned that lesson the hard way. Drinking over a girl was stupid—even if said girl was Casey Cartwright. She was on the highest pedestal that Cappie offered anyone, and no one had ever come close to contending with her on that monster of a pedestal.

And right then, Cappie knew, he wasn’t quite sure how, but he knew that he’d never be over her. Not completely. She was too special to be forgotten, and special things never lost their sparkle and importance. They were imprinted to his brain like memories.

Cappie never lingered on the bad moments—just the good ones. He remembered going on his second date with Casey. They had agreed to go miniature golfing together in bunny costumes. At the time, it was just something stupid to do, but Cappie cherished that night like none other. It was the night where he had his first true connection with Casey—where she told him about how she was a virgin and waiting for someone special enough to give it away to. It was the night where he also told her that he was still a virgin. And it was the night where they first kissed besides the sparkling pond (on the mini golf course) under the moonlight.

Every day that they spent together was memorable and unlike the day before it. It was a true relationship where they both embraced everything that they had, taking it one day at a time. And that was what he wanted, and it was what he thought Casey wanted too.

“Cap?”

He nearly fell off his bed, his eyes opening in surprise. “Rus—I mean, Spitter. What are you doing here?”

Rusty smiled and stepped into the room. Cappie noticed that he reeked of happiness, and it only ruined his rapidly depleting mood even more.

Rusty stood there awkwardly, playing with his hands. “Beaver talked me into showing up. Apparently, a cheering up is in order, and I have…”

Cappie sighed a long weary sigh. The whole thing was too familiar and still too raw; the last thing he needed was everything thrown back into his face after he had agonized over his mistakes and where he went wrong for four plus hours.

He pursed his lips together, his voice unsteady and weak. “Spitter, you’re the genius. Tell me what happened the last time someone tried cheering me up.”

Rusty groaned. “Well, you got drunk,” he admitted. “No, you were so far past drunk that I don’t even know what to call what you were that night…”

In turn, Cappie rolled over and grumbled. “You’re starting to ramble.”

Embarrassed, Rusty’s cheeks burned red. “Oh right…” he trailed off. “So, what did my sister do this time?”

Cappie sucked in a deep breath. He knew it was coming. Rusty was the logical Cartwright. He noticed everything, and that very moment, Cappie wasn’t sure if that was such a good thing. All he could do was talk and hope it made sense.

“I don’t know. Everything, I guess,” he grunted, running a hand through his messy hair. “It’s just that I can’t get her out of my head. I don’t want to, Spitter. And seeing her with Chambers that night—as she was lavaliered—I self-destructed. I felt like my heart was ripped from my chest and still beating,” he explained miserably. “And you know what I did, Spitter? I raised my drink to her and nodded.”

“Oh,” was Rusty’s response. “At least she didn’t flip you the bird.”

Cappie snorted, a semi-genuine smile reaching his lips for the first time in days. “Only you are the optimist, Spitter, only you.”

- - -

Casey was so far beyond mental exhaustion that she didn’t know what call it. She had spent hours talking to Ashleigh, conjuring up a plan of action. But nothing was set in stone. Two hours into their discussion and Ashleigh was fast asleep and too peaceful to disturb.

Casey was hoping that Ashleigh would tell her whom she was supposed to pick. Being in control over something like that didn’t settle well with her. She needed someone neutral in her corner who would be blunt but practical. Casey was no longer going to make any foolish decisions.

It was because of that – that Casey found herself downstairs, staring blankly at the fireplace in the living room. That room was the most nostalgic. She remembered that Friday night when the power went out, and how she and Rebecca were playing off one another. Truth be told, that Friday was the first Friday in a long time that Casey felt like she was a true sister of Zeta Beta Zeta.

Things weren’t perfect. They weren’t supposed to be. There was perfection within the imperfections, and Casey was learning to love them—and everything else for that matter—at face value. Although being Zeta Beta Zeta Sweetheart was the one thing Casey had looked forward too, it suddenly didn’t seem that important. To be honest, she wouldn’t have minded if Frannie had won instead of her.

“Casey?”

Craning her head to the side, Casey instantly paled. A sense of dread overcame her as she met Rebecca Logan’s wide eyes. It had been awkward enough when she handed that letter over to Casey, but it was even more awkward because Rebecca wasn’t trying to get a rise out of Casey.

“Rebecca,” Casey answered civilly.

“I’m sorry,” Rebecca blurted. “I know it doesn’t change anything, but I was kind of a bitch.”

Casey managed a half-hearted smile. “Well, I was kind of a bitch, too.”

Rebecca raised her eyebrows, more surprised than anything else. “You admit that?”

Casey was one hundred percent confused. She liked that Rebecca was being friendly. It was a nice change from her usual catty remarks and flippant attitude. It was like Rebecca knew something that Casey didn’t. There had to be a good reason—and a damn good reason at that—that Rebecca wasn’t attacking Casey. Something happened. She could sense it in the way Rebecca stood and the way she spoke.

What the hell was the infamous Rebecca Logan hiding?

“What’s going on?” Casey blurted. “I thought you hated me.”

Rebecca laughed. “I do hate you.”

“So, why aren’t you waiting for the perfect moment to bitch slap me?” Casey took that moment to glare at Rebecca, not trusting her actions for a second. She wouldn’t give Rebecca the opportunity to ruin another good thing. “I mean, since Evan—”

“About that,” Rebecca interrupted uncertainly. “There’s something you should know.”

Oh how Casey loathed those words, especially in that particular context. “There is?” she asked hesitantly. Casey licked her lips on habit. Where was Rebecca going with this? She didn’t have the slightest idea, and Casey wasn’t sure if she wanted to know. A bad feeling invaded the pit of her stomach, warning her that asking would open a new can of worms.

“I don’t know. Hell, I fucking told Cappie that I wouldn’t let this affect anything,” she mumbled more to herself than Casey. “But…he’s right. There are things you should know. And I don’t care what you do with this information. As long as you steer clear of me after this discussion, we’ll be fine, okay?”

Not knowing what Casey was setting herself up for, she nodded her head. “Logan, stop stalling. I’m not a baby, and I don’t need you to treat me like one.”

Rebecca shrugged. “Well, if you insist.”

“I do,” Casey cut in hastily. “And I’m tired of waiting. I have enough going on.”

She raised her eyes a fraction, clearly pissed off. “Why is everything always about Casey Cartwright?” she exploded. “You had Cappie. Then you gave him up for Evan. They you played games with Cappie behind Evan’s back. And now you want both and neither at the same fucking time. Goddamn it, Cartwright! You’re a selfish, spoiled bitch. So, why don’t you just make up your mind and stop stringing everyone else along for your glory ride?”

Casey felt the tension and the anger. And virtually everything in-between. Had she really come across that way? Casey always thought she was loyal, dependable, and a good ‘sister’. It never occurred to her that she was everything but. And it wasn’t long before she felt the warm tears cascading down her cheeks.

“Everything isn’t about me,” Casey defended hotly, her voice holding a razor sharp edge. She was using anger, the best of her arsenal of defense mechanisms.

Rebecca grinned. “Pointing fingers again, Cartwright?”

Casey paled. “No. Will you get on with what you wanted to tell me?”

Casey let out an exhausted sigh. She hated how she was acting—especially with Rebecca. It was just everything piled on top of one another that had her on the brink of insanity. Everything was falling apart and coming up at the same time, and she had absolutely no idea what to deal with first or how to even deal with it. So, she had become very defensive, taking everything out on the one person she couldn’t stand: Rebecca Logan.

Rebecca started again. “I know you don’t trust me. Hell, I don’t want you to trust me. But there are a few things you should know. And I’m only informing you because of Cappie. But what I’m trying to say is that I was drunk during rush night…”

“No kidding,” Casey mumbled.

Rebecca gave her a hard stare before continuing. “But I don’t even like alcohol. When Evan offered me a drink, I thought it was juice or something but not alcohol.” She paused, preparing to launch herself into a very long story. “And well, I ended up having a lot of those drinks. I didn’t really think anything of it, but when Evan started coming on to me…I couldn’t push him away. I don’t know what happened. I became a motionless blob.”

For Casey, this was everything but chartered territories.

“Evan got you drunk? Why would he do that?”

With her guard down, Rebecca continued. “Because he wanted to have sex with me. I turned him down once when I was sober, but never thought twice. He was just another typical frat boy. And then things went south, fast. I was drunk and he was putting on the moves, and before I knew it, I was passed out on his bed, naked. And as I peeled the covers away, I realized that I was no longer a virgin.”

Casey’s eyes widened. She was speechless and unsure what to say to something like that. Evan was wholesome and an outstanding gentlemen. He didn’t force girls into having sex with him—especially anything that followed the lines of rape.

Rape. The words felt like battery acid on her lips. Her boyfriend, Evan Chambers, wasn’t capable of it. Sure, maybe he had sex with Rebecca but she was willing, right?

“W-why?” Casey stuttered. “You’re not making this up are you?”

She shook her head. “I’m not. And I’m sorry but it’s true. Every single bit of it is. I’m not a slut, Casey. I came to college with the one thing I was proud of. And…now I don’t even have that.”

The shock was far from wearing off, but Casey was loaded with questions. She needed proof. But most of all, she needed answers that made legitimate sense. “But why were you such a bitch about sleeping with him? When I mentioned that Evan was my boyfriend, you were completely flippant and frigid—almost like it wasn’t a big deal.”

Rebecca sighed. “Now, how would that make me look? For such a smart girl, you’re pretty senseless and dense.”

Casey’s entire world collapsed in a puff of smoke. All that left was disaster after disaster of ruins. Everything that Rebecca said about Evan was crazy. Even though he was a Chambers, Casey was having a hard time believing that Evan had anything to do with it. “You’re not joking?” she asked weakly.

For the first time, Rebecca’s eyes flooded with regret. Hanging her head low, she mumbled a defeated, “I’m not.”

Casey shook her head. “I don’t get it. Why would you even tell me?”

At first, Rebecca didn’t say anything. Then she opened her mouth and whispered, “Cappie. That’s why.”

Waking In The Breakdown

Sat, 08 Sep 2007 03:07:03 GMT

Here is it. The first part in a monster of a fan fiction. I don't know how I've managed to get to this point. Hearing Goo Goo Dolls just sparked this intense inspiration in me, and I had to finish what I started. So, I'm being quite ambitious here, but Part II will come tomorrow - before afternoon. (I'm almost finished with it already. *grins*)

Title: Waking In The Breakdown
Rating: PG-13 (language!)
Status: 1 of 4 parts.
Genre: Romance/Angst/Drama
Pairing: Cappie/Casey
Summary: This picks up where Depth Perception left off. Missing scenes. The aftermath. This is only the beginning...of something monumental.

Waking In The Breakdown

Soundtrack: Goo Goo Dolls. (No, seriously. Their music is absolutely perfect for this fan fiction.)

PART I

Cappie really wasn’t sure what he was doing. But somehow, he found his mouth opening and the words pouring from his lips before he could stop himself.

“Rebecca!” he shouted, hoping to catch her attention.

She froze in place before spinning around, her hair whipping in her face. “Yeah?” she asked, a small trace of a smile lingering on her lips.

Cappie bit his lip and stared at her for a moment. They had spent so much time together, and he almost felt like they were on the same page. The whole research fiasco had put everything into a new light, and in that new light—Rebecca Logan wasn’t the spawn of Satan.

He hadn’t lied when he told her that she wasn’t as foul as he thought she was. In fact, she was kind of okay—maybe a little misguided, maybe a little neglected growing up, maybe a little torn between right and wrong. Still, beneath so many frosty layers, Cappie saw the one thing that everyone else failed to: warmth. Rebecca Logan was not the big, bad wolf. She was just a girl managing to get by the only way she knew how, and Cappie admired that. He admired it so much that he had to do something about it.

Shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other, Cappie looked up at Rebecca, flashing her his pearly white smile he (usually) reserved for seducing women. But strangely enough, he didn’t want to think about seducing Rebecca. He just wanted to think about Casey.

“Here.” He put the envelope in Rebecca’s palm. And then he sucked in a deep breath. There was a good chance he was asking a favor from the wrong girl, but that wasn’t going to stop him. He, oddly enough, had faith in her to come through for him. “Can you do me a favor?”

Rebecca laughed her hollow, elitist laugh. “A favor, Cappie? Why would I do you a favor—much less a favor that’ll make Casey fucking Cartwright happy?”

He gave a sheepish smile, unwilling to be affected from her words; he reminded himself that they were all surface layers. And with time and some gentle coaxing, he would slowly peel the layers away.

Rebecca laughed a high-pitched laugh that ended with a loud snort. “A favor? Why would I do you a favor—much less a favor that makes Casey happy?”

Cappie detected a hard, bitter edge in her tone, but he chose to ignore it. He wasn’t stupid; he knew damn well that Casey and Rebecca hated each other from the get-go. But he knew he wasn’t going to get anywhere fast if he didn’t open himself up. Rebecca Logan wasn’t exactly interested in making friends but in making enemies.

He drew in a sharp, lung-crushing breath and went for it. “Maybe because I’m a guy in love whose trying to do right by the one I love.” He paused, preparing himself for a monumental speech, a speech that would out due all his mashed up, stolen lines from his favorite movies. “Maybe because I want to get my chance at happiness, my chance to redeem myself for all the shitty things I’ve done.”

Cappie swallowed nervously, refusing to meet Rebecca’s eyes. If he looked up, he knew that she’d be spitting venom. Instead, he focused all of his attention and energy on the ground.

“I admit, I have done and said some pretty screwed up things, but I am always honest and loyal to those who matter most to me. Rebecca, I want you to do this for me because I deserve the benefit of the doubt. I deserve a second chance. And I want you to do this for me because you want and deserve love just as much as I do.”

He prepared himself for vicious laughter, but was surprised to find none. Rebecca Logan was eerily silent, the corners of her eyes moist. “W-why Casey? I don’t understand why you went through all this research to bribe her with money. Are you really that desperate to steal her from Evan?”

Cappie’s face hardened. She had to bring up Evan at the worst possible moment. “Logan, the only one doing stealing around here is Chambers. Am I right?”

“Where did you hear that from?”

He chose to ignore her. “You were a virgin, weren’t you? And he got you drunk, turned on the charm, and got what he wanted. You don’t have to pretend. Evan isn’t going to be nominated to win any kind of award any time soon for gentlemanly behavior.”

Rebecca parted her lips. “It, it wasn’t like that,” she insisted, shaking her head vigorously. “You’re reading things that aren’t there, Cappie. And what does it matter if you’re right? It’s not any of your business anyway!”

“It isn’t,” Cappie admitted, “but it would be nice if you’d take it easy on Casey, too. She’s with Chambers and you hate Chambers with a burning passion. Show some compassion, Logan. She was bought by lies just like you were.”

She shrugged. “I’ll give her the envelope if that’s what you want. But don’t you dare think it changes anything. Casey and I, regardless of the fact that we are ZBZ’s, will never be sister’s.”

Cappie coughed awkwardly. “Right. So, you’ll give it to her, then?”

She let out a long sigh of defeat. “Fine, Cappie. But you owe me.”

“Logan, I was just settling a debt. She bailed me out. I’m paying her back. You really don’t have to make this into something more.”

Rebecca’s eyes widened. “So, what was tonight then?”

He paused. “Tonight was doing the right thing. Nothing more. Nothing less.”

Rebecca nodded, actually agreeing with his words. She held the envelope firm in her grip; she was not intent on letting Cappie down—not when he poured his heart and was completely honest. “The right thing?” she thought aloud. “Well, maybe I can do that…”

And without another word, the pair split paths—Cappie back to the Kappa Tau house—and Rebecca back to the Zeta Beta Zeta house. Once they reached their respective destinations, they knew that everything would never quite be the same again.

- - -

For the first time in her life, Casey Cartwright was torn between the safe thing to do and the right thing to do. And it was all over a note written in Cappie’s sloppy handwriting. He had to go all out and over the top to impress her. And it had worked. Albeit, she didn’t want to smile at the three hundred dollars peeking from the envelope, but it was just too damn hard not to.

Just when it looked like Cappie would never change or man up, he turned around and did the single-most admirable gesture, ever, in the history of forever. Cappie, although she was hesitant to admit, was an honorable guy with a heart of gold. It never really mattered how he got somewhere—just what he did when he got there.

He turned the simplest things into a rush instead of a boring, predictable tradition. See, Cappie was everything Casey needed but didn’t want. She had her wonderful (sometimes over time top)l boyfriend, Evan Chambers, at her side. He was her immediate future, her key to the kind of security she always longed for. Everything about Evan was proper and right but never reckless.

And sometimes Casey hated that too much. Evan was nearly perfect and way too conventional—so much to the point that he was transparent and mind numbingly boring. He was stable and safe; he had a ten-year plan, and he was always doing everything in his power to make sure that he succeeded.

But in all his perfections, Casey could only find flaws, little, tiny flaws that made her second-guess who Evan Chambers really was. He had stupidly and drunkenly slept with a pledge. Rebecca Logan. Her name was like acid burning Casey’s skin. All of these cataclysmic events were Rebecca’sfault. She had screwed up Casey’s alignment, sending her spiraling headfirst into her very anxious ex, an ex she couldn’t stop thinking about.

See, Casey knew damn well that she loved Cappie and the thought of him. But having a relationship was another thing. It hadn’t panned out the first time. What was to say that a second would be any different?

Everything was just a disaster. Casey could see herself with Evan in the future, but she didn’t want to be the slightest like his parents who were stuffy and involved in everything that could secure their status on the totem pole. They weren’t award-worthy parents. It was more about image than love, and Casey couldn’t deal with that.

It blurred everything. And for the second time in her life, Casey Cartwright had absolutely not idea what she was supposed to do. Something was going to have to give. The tension building up was ready to snap.

So, she retreated upstairs.

Maybe Ashleigh could help.

- - -

Casey stood in the threshold of her room, trembling slightly. Ashleigh was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed; Casey was more than grateful that she could only see her best friend’s back. It gave her time—time to prepare some kind of speech.

“Ash,” Casey whispered, her bottom lip trembling, “I, I really need you.”

Ashleigh dropped the fashion magazine she was reading. She spun around so face that it temporarily reduced Casey to intense waves of nausea. Ashleigh’s expression was one of bewilderment. It turned from a light, airy smile to one of utmost concern.

Placing her hands on her hips, Ashleigh got to her feet and gave her friend a once-over. She noted that Casey looked terrible in Evan’s oversized sweatpants. And even Evan’s old t-shirt looked hideous on her. Her hair looked as if it hadn’t been brushed all day, and deep, noticeable bags claimed residence under Casey’s bloodshot eyes.

Ashleigh could only wonder what happened in those fifteen minutes.

“Casey, what’s going on?”

In a flash, Ashleigh was at her best friend’s side. “What happened?” When she didn’t answer, Ashleigh put a hand on Casey’s shoulder and lowered her voice to a soft whisper, “Please, tell me what’s wrong.”

Casey couldn’t answer. Her vocal cords refused to let her. All she managed was a pathetic shake of her head, allowing the first of many sobs to escape from between her capped lips.

Ashleigh pulled Casey into a tight hug. They had gone through so much as Zeta Beta Zeta sisters and as friends. But Ashleigh couldn’t remember a time when her best friend was left in such heartbreaking, crumbling ruins.

“Case,” she whispered soothingly, “is everything okay?”

All Casey could muster was another weak headshake. No. Everything wasn’t okay. In fact, everything was far from okay. She was in love (she swore) with two men—complete and polar opposites, both offering Casey something wonderfully special and different. But no matter whom she chose or why, someone was going to get hurt, and putting either Cappie or Evan through the ringer was not what she wanted.

“It’s, it’s…” Casey trailed off. Unable to find the words, she shoved the envelope into Ashleigh’s hands. “It’s because of this.”

Ashleigh starred at the envelope. Her eyes darted back and forth between the envelope and Casey. “Is this a forbidden love note?” she asked eagerly. “I bet it is.”

Her attitude started to ease Casey’s rattled nerves, but she knew things wouldn’t stay that way for long.

Ashleigh tore the envelope open, reading the short note three or more times before she looked up with a know-it-all smirk on her face. Her smile grew wider when she spotted the countless bills stuffed in the envelope. Gasping, she dropped the envelope to the floor, money in hand.

“Cappie, I mean, he gave you three hundred dollars?”

Casey really didn’t know what to say to that. She settled for a head nod.

“And,” Ashleigh began, “I can’t believe he did that. Cappie’s got to be the most imperfect, perfect frat boy in the history of Kappa Tau.” She paused. “Yeah, he wouldn’t do that for just anyone, Case. I bet he did it because he’s still in love with you. After the guy does something demoralizing, he managed to more than make up for it. Goddamn, he’s full of surprises.”

Casey frowned, not sure how to take her friends words. “I thought you were on the Evan bandwagon?”

“Evan?” She shook her head. “No, Evan’s great. He’s perfect. He’s mellow. He loves you. But I don’t think you’ve given him your whole heart.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Cappie still has most of yours. He always will. And you need to do something—make a decision—before you lose everyone. Either way, you have to let one of them go, forever.”

A decision? Casey visibly paled. She was dealt one hell of an ultimatum.

“I can’t choose,” Casey broke down. “I can’t…because I love them both so fucking much. And it’s killing me.”

Ashleigh took that as her cue to wrap her arms around her best friend again. “Case, I know this sucks, but you have to do something.”

Casey knew Ashleigh was right. The more she held off, the worse the carnage would be. She was tired of being the accelerate that kept the fires going. She was tired of being wishy-washy with Evan and Cappie. And she was just damn tired of being in the middle.

It was time for a change.

Greek Fan Fiction News

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 14:55:18 GMT

I am working on probably the greatest Greek fan fiction to date (of my own writing, of course).

Depth Perception was an insanely inspiring landmark in Greek. What I'm working on is a piece that is basically missing scenes in Greek and what happens afterwards. I'm thinking it'll be a multi-part piece. So far, the average for the chapters is over 2,000 words. I will start posting it tonight (if i'm not exhausted after getting in at 8). Part two will be tomorrow. Part three will be Sunday. And if I can manage it, part four will be be early Monday.

What does this mean? Well, this means I have a lottttt of writing to do. I only have two pages of part two. And the chapters are averaging around four pages in MS Word at Tahoma with a font size of 9. If you read this, drop me some inspirational/motivating messages to keep me on track!

I.Must.Be.Crazy.

All Aboard: The Nice Train

Sat, 01 Sep 2007 02:05:48 GMT

As the subject hints, I am still on the nice train. Considering everything, this is both a good and bad thing.

Case point: I was asked if I had any plans Labor Day. I said no. My supervisor asked me if I could work. I said yes. It will be for seven hours by myself. Oh...and the point: I sort of had plans. And now said plans have to be worked around my new schedule.

On another note, I have some bad ass poison ivy.

Frakkkkkkkk.

I am about to test the bleach theories.

Cortaid and Calamine lotion are doing jack shit.

And it's spreading. And I'm not even scratching it.

Dammmmmmn.

Meant To Be Broken

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 02:52:25 GMT

Greek fanfiction! I wrote this a couple days ago and cleaned it up after this nights episode of Greek.

I may be crazy, but this is just what I've needed after a shitty week.

Title: Meant To Be Broken
Rating: PG
Status: Complete
Genre: Romance/Angst/Drama
Pairing: Cappie/Casey
Summary: Pre-Greek! Cappie loves Casey. But soon enough, he finds out that - that isn't enough. There goes the Evan train...Boo.

Meant To Be Broken

Play Goo Goo Dolls “Iris” now.

Cappie was in love—a deep, soul-sucking worship of the one girl he’d never have. Not completely, at least. She was the kind of special he admired and longed endless years for. And he had her. Yes, Cappie had her all to himself.

“Cappie?”

He cocked his head to the side, a lazy smile gracing his lips. “Case,” he murmured.

She grinned. Taking a seat beside him on the couch, she laid her head against his shoulder. “I, love you Cappie…”

Startled, his eyes met hers. And suddenly, he couldn’t breathe or think or even speak. So he kissed her hungrily, barely pausing to breathe. A rough but audible, “I love you too,” drifted into the air.

And then Casey pushed him backwards.

He was still dizzy from the kiss. But as their eyes met for the second time that night, Cappie’s heart hammered in his chest. Butterflies habitually danced around in his stomach. He traced the contours of her face, realizing that Casey Cartwright was perfect and all his.

He imagined dishing out crinkled dollar after crinkled dollar for apple pie and cheesy picnics set up at the Kappa Tau’s backyard. He imagined buying her gift after gift even when he couldn’t afford to splurge. But most of all, he imagined taking care of Casey for the rest of her life. With one gentle look of her smile, he knew she was the One.

“But,” Casey began, her voice squeaky and awkward, “I, I made out with Evan last night when you were out.”

Cappie froze and turned. The tears were pricking at his eyes, but he had to ask: “Evan? You mean my roommate Evan Chambers Evan?”

Casey’s face turned a ghostly pale. The only sound she made was a non-committal sigh. “He, we. I, we had a connection, Cap. And I can’t let it go.”

“Why?” Cappie asked. He sounded broken and lost and miserable. It was like he knew what was coming, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. Casey, his Casey, was slipping through his fingers.

All that time and all that effort felt like a waste of time and breath.

They were something close to epic.

They were Casey and Cappie all lumped into one word.

They were in love.

And nothing, not even Evan fucking Chambers was going to destroy that. Cappie was going to take Evan down. He’d make sure of it. If it was the last thing he’d do, he knew that Evan Chambers would never be his roommate again.

Casey pulled away from Cappie suddenly. It was as if their touch was fire. “I can’t be the Snow White to your Prince anymore, Cap,” she whispered painfully.

He snorted, throwing his head back in a sardonic motion. “No, you’ve just become the Queen, Case. What are you going to do next? Hand me a poisoned apple to make you feel less guilty as you leap into Chambers arms?”

She shook her head fiercely, her bottom lip trembling in the process. “No, it’s not supposed to be this way. It’s not supposed to end this way.”

Cappie jumped to his feet, his blue eyes focused on the carpet. He was the on the verge of tears as he paced angrily through the room. And suddenly, he couldn’t look at Casey Cartwright anymore. He could barely talk without his voice sounding squeaky, but everything he was feeling had to come out. Two years worth of building up had brought him to the brink.

“Damn right it’s not. I love you Casey. I really do,” he stressed, his voice laced with a soft, underlying tone. “And at one point, I thought that counted for something.”

Shakily, Casey gave Cappie a weak, emotionless smile. “It does, Cap. I just, I think I need to pursue something with Evan. I need to get it out of my head before I cheat on you or break your heart.”

He shook his head at Casey pathetically. “But you already did,” his whispered brokenly, the tears finally unmasking his façade.

It was over.

Mixed Feelings

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 03:54:31 GMT

You know, I've always prided myself on being the "person" that my friends can run to when they have a problem. I'm always neutral and honest. And I actually offer solutions to problems. And I don't really mind it. I generally put friends before I even think of myself or what I need. But lately, it feels like I'm the only person being unloaded on.

Okay, you have a problem. I'll offer advice and do what I can. But it's not fair to make a mountain out of a molehill with something that has an easy solution. And it's not fair when I have a ton of shit going on in my life, and I can't dump on anyone/anything but lj. How messed up is that? I'm willing to bend over backwards for a friend, and they're not willing to do it in return.

Oh well. At least I'm productively dealing with my problems. I've long learned the advantage of coping skills and journals. I guess it's about time to utilize those and take care of myself first.

Phewwwww.

In other news, Knoebels was good up until none of my friends wanted to go on the rides I wanted to go on. And both my friends were there with their fiances sooooo I got to be the odd person out, stuck on going on rides by myself. Eff that. It pretty much ruined the whole day. I went to have fun with my friends - not have fun by mself, which I didn't have by the way.

I'm ready for some major c-c-changes.

And it looks like I'll be executing those changes.

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 03:05:06 GMT

Knoebels Friday.

This is the first time I've ever been able to go to an amusement park/do anything fun this summer. I blame that sad fact solely on my work schedule. Although I'll probably be burnt out before the end of August, at least I've been saving up some money.

And OMG. HOT FUZZ was fantastic. Plus, there's just something about English accents that I can't help but adore. But the camera work and whole "feel" of the film was quite original. I have to return it to Blockbuster tomorrow, but I might just buy it on DVD. It could potentially rank high with a few of my film favorites.

An Update

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 02:46:33 GMT

Greek is the highlight of my week. Other than having a major fangirl crush on Cappie, nothing new is going on.

I may purge all old entries and update the layout. I'll probably go all Cappie out on it, but so what.

Also, I am doing a major friend purge. It's nothing personal but it seems that sharing interests doesn't really amount to much on lj anyway. And that's fine. But I don't want friends that aren't really friends.

Frakin' A

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 05:30:39 GMT

Oh frak. Oh frak. Oh frak.

Remember my crush?

I think he knows. Or he knows something.

And now I'm sooo embarrassed and anxious that I feel like throwing up.

Oh don't I love the perks of being a socially inept loser with absolutely zero skill in dealing with boys or people in general.

PS. I LOVE THE SHOW GREEK. CAPPIE OWNS THE WORLD. HE HAS THE BEST LINES AND PORTRAYS THE SARCASTIC, LAID BACK FRAT BOY WONDERFULLY. And I hate frat boys but Cappie makes 'em seem effing awesome. How the frak can he do that?!

Sun, 08 Jul 2007 03:11:59 GMT

SHIT.

Yes, I forget about lj. And I'm feeling guilty as hell right now. But the past couple of weeks have been filled with way toooo much bullshit that I'm glad none of you were witness to it. It ranks from my brother losing my cell phone to my brother nearly being hospitalized. And I had nothing to do with nearly hospitalizing him.

Anyway.

I'm trying to revive this. So hi. I am on AIM more than here nowadays. uncreativeandrea I'm never really talking to anyone and I would love to change that. So, feel free to IM me whenever. Random fact: Brand New is the only band I've been consistent with since 2001. So if you're fond of them, we'll get along fantastic.

Sat, 12 May 2007 23:23:04 GMT

These past couple of weeks have been HELL.

One. My laptop crashed. They were opening the casing the other day. Haven't heard back yet. I assume that's bad. And that the multiple things that could be wrong...probably are wrong with it. Two. Work. It's safer not to get into it. And three. Everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. Either I jinxed myself or I'm bad luck.

And I need a nap. Bed early. Like now early.

Damn. It's the first time I write a post in forever and all I do is complain.

Sun, 22 Apr 2007 16:12:10 GMT

Three days until Brand New w/ K Devine and Manchester.

This is all the news I have worth sharing.